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September Makes Me Insane

September approaches. It’s the new school year, and for me that carries more meaning than the start of the calendar year. It’s deeply rooted psychologically – the excitement, the new stationary, school bag, putting on your school uniform again. It’s also the promise of something stable, secure and familiar – the routine of getting up, going out, doing things and coming home to relax.

OH HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED! Well, to an extent. Now I work in the evenings, so I wake up in the morning and wait for the day to begin at 3.30pm. It does seem that I am learning how to do life on a very gradual basis. For example, this end-of-August I have quite a detailed schedule of work I do from waking up time until about 6pm, after which time I can read, watch TV or Skype my friends. (Mostly the latter.) This is so lovely, and so reassuring and just like the days of yore. In a way, I am a little but wary of going back to the routine of getting up and waiting to work.

At this time of the year I start to get anxious that I’m not fulfilling my potential, and that I’m basically wasting my life because of sheer laziness. This year, at least, I can take a step back and say to myself: ‘No. I am working towards goals. I am doing as much as I can.’ A lot of this feeling of inadequacy comes down to being distracted. I look after people and let them take my time, even when I have a defined schedule. At least I recognise this now, and I can work towards fixing it.

Does anyone else have a panic in late August/September? Or do you just think: “I WANT NEW STATIONARY!!!” (I think this too….)

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Resolve.


I haven’t thought about new years’ resolutions at all yet. It’s almost as though I’m preventing myself from it. Like I don’t want to commit to actually thinking about anything seriously. I did a lot of serious thinking this year. There was that whole quarter-life crisis where I was trying to figure out what to do with my life. And I had that meeting with Ger and I thought I was ok and then I wasn’t again.

Well, anyway. I need to set goals for 2010, because 2009 was so very lacking in direction. It was just floating and bouncing and floating again. I am lucky that I have a job in a school for now, I can sing for now and I have piano students. These are all things that I at least don’t have to think about. I also know that I will be working for Midsummer Festival in the summer and there will be my brother’s wedding in July. After that I don’t know. But in fairness, that’s the next seven months taken care of. I would quite like to make a few new resolutions at the start of every month too.

Personal goals.

Obviously, I have to lose weight. I don’t even see this as a goal because it’s already happening. But it is a goal to be a size 10 for the wedding.

Things I want to take up: Low Whistle/Tin Whistle, belly dancing, running, continue piano and singing and guitar.

Finish my album. I can’t believe how long this is taking me.

Have some ME TIME. Been sorely lacking in recent months.

Sort the house out. Massive declutter. Paint, decorate, etc.

Make a YouTube video soonish.

Is that enough?