|It’s a metaphor. See?|
Things all got a bit serious.
When I called up the singing teacher who I had been afraid to contact for two years, I got sucked into this singing vortex. During the first lesson, which is meant to be a consultation to see if the teacher likes my voice, she got very excited and decided that she would take me, and that I must apply for course X, Y and Z. I was send home with a few songs to study, some interesting new thoughts on vocal technique and a sense of utter bewilderment.
Mingled with the bewilderment, though, was the feeling that this was all correct. This was what I should be doing now. I should be working hard on my voice and body, saving up, learning and applying to courses.
It’s true that I spend my days swinging dramatically (internally) from “YES! This is right! Everything’s going to come together and it will be wonderful! The life I want is within my reach” to “WHAT AM I DOING, WHAT AM I DOING?! AGH!” Ultimately, no matter what the scared and confused part of my mind says, if I don’t give it my best shot now and work hard I will spend the rest of my life wondering what it would have been like if I’d taken those steps.
There are no fantasies for me of being a massively famous, stadium-sell-out musician. I’m sure that would be nice, but what I really want in my life is stability and creativity. I want to be able to write, perform, teach and inspire while having a roof over my head (and some hens in the back garden. And there’s a lot of cake in this dream life, too.)
I suppose what I’m getting at is: I do feel a bit overwhelmed at the moment with all this singing plus all the work that unexpectedly fell on top of me but I’m trying very hard to see to the end of June. Then I can celebrate what I have achieved and be proud and I can stay in bed all day or go into town and not feel guilty because it’s the SUMMER.