You need to sort out your priorities. What have you been spending your ‘free’ (non-teaching/event organising) time doing for the last, let’s say, four months?
a) Cleaning and decorating a house you don’t own.
b) Sewing baubles and soft furnishings.
d) Going from infection to ‘flu to infection.
e) Being involved in a lame-ass T.V. show competition.
f) All of the above.
Oh, Amy. You idiot. You don’t need to tell you what’s missing here, but just in case you really are that dim, I’ll spell it out for you.
Yes. That thing you’d like to do as a career. That thing you’re massively, overwhelmingly passionate about but unbelievably inferior in. Oh dear.
I feel rather strongly that you should get your backside in gear, get back to studying singing and piano and start writing again EVERY DAY. That malaise you’ve been feeling; that sort of weird gnawing in your stomach and tightness in your chest? That’s all the unwritten songs in you, eating away at your soul, trying to get out. That uncomfortable feeling in your brain? Feels a LOT like a sinus infection? That’s the Amy of the future calling to you and really super hating you for wasting so much time and not improving yourself.
Here’s what I want you to stop doing:
1.i Spending money.
I’m not actually sure where you’re going with this, but let me remind you that you’re not very wealthy. That trip to Florida you insisted on taking (though I understand why) was incredibly expensive. You don’t need to spend any more money. You’re cool. It’s cool.
1.ii. Neglecting the dog.
THE POOR DOG. The weather was FINE for the last two days, you neglectful asshole. She loves you. That poor dog just wants you to bring her out so she can smell things. This refers back to number one. Do NOT join a gym – you can’t afford it. The dog is your gym.
1.iii So much crafting.
This is a hobby. You enjoy it. You are not going to make any more from it. Maybe take a sabbatical from sewing after Christmas. Use the time to practice for another piano grade, or to get back into researching opera, or even brush up on your baroque counterpoint harmony theory! You do NOT need to spend money on any more fabric, thread, buttons or anything of that nature. Go to the Saturday morning knitting group. Improve your knitting in that weekly slot.
2. Cleaning the house.
Just pick, like, two days where you do one hour. Stop spending your life tidying and cleaning, it’s moronic. If you were practicing or writing, you wouldn’t make a mess anyway.
Write songs. Record them. Upload them. Play the piano. EASY.
Quite frustrated and definitely hacked off at you.