September approaches. It’s the new school year, and for me that carries more meaning than the start of the calendar year. It’s deeply rooted psychologically – the excitement, the new stationary, school bag, putting on your school uniform again. It’s also the promise of something stable, secure and familiar – the routine of getting up, going out, doing things and coming home to relax.
OH HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED! Well, to an extent. Now I work in the evenings, so I wake up in the morning and wait for the day to begin at 3.30pm. It does seem that I am learning how to do life on a very gradual basis. For example, this end-of-August I have quite a detailed schedule of work I do from waking up time until about 6pm, after which time I can read, watch TV or Skype my friends. (Mostly the latter.) This is so lovely, and so reassuring and just like the days of yore. In a way, I am a little but wary of going back to the routine of getting up and waiting to work.
At this time of the year I start to get anxious that I’m not fulfilling my potential, and that I’m basically wasting my life because of sheer laziness. This year, at least, I can take a step back and say to myself: ‘No. I am working towards goals. I am doing as much as I can.’ A lot of this feeling of inadequacy comes down to being distracted. I look after people and let them take my time, even when I have a defined schedule. At least I recognise this now, and I can work towards fixing it.
Does anyone else have a panic in late August/September? Or do you just think: “I WANT NEW STATIONARY!!!” (I think this too….)