Breakdowns.

__..::Part ONE*

Recently music has become about exercise for me. It’s hideous. I don’t even listen to it anymore – I just plug it in to my brain and use the beat to keep me going. In moments of reflection this makes me feel a bit sick. It’s not who I am. But I know I’ve been avoiding music, just like I’ve been avoiding something giant and looming and invisible. Some part of me is rotting when I’m not listening to music or singing. Why don’t I sing anymore?

__.::Part TWO*

It’s so easy to get caught up in all the hype and popularity. No matter how hard I try I can’t seem to walk away. I crave “quiet all about me.”

__..::Part THREE*

I’m developed a sort of fear of the kitchen, cooking, food, shopping. I’m listening to my inner seventeen-year-old a little bit too carefully. She’s the one who taught me silence and self-control and tact. University taught me to forget her for three years. Maybe I shouldn’t welcome her back so readily but I envy her ability to write and marvel at everything, alienate people and not sleep.

__..::Part FOUR*

“Oh simple thing, where have you gone? I’m getting old and I need something to rely on.”

Somewhere Only We Know by Keane.

Advertisements

One thought on “Breakdowns.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s