May 12th 2008

So this breath caught in my chest because the lyrics were ruthless and the music was like polished glass and I felt like I was standing in the middle of a cavernous room with mirrors everywhere, echoing, voice bouncing off the walls. The breath started to swell because I was inspired and sort of touched and I suddenly grinned and wanted to do all of the silly things that make me me. I also wanted to be a scene girl because scene girls have the funniest faces and take themselves so seriously and I would laugh to take myself seriously. The room is so shiny and self-fulfilled and thin.

The breath almost always comes out as harmony and minor but sometimes it doesn’t come out, it just stays in my chest and grows and grows and I want to go outside so that it has room to expand and the sun shines on my face and the sounds ring in my ears like the echo in the cavernous room. I’m not sure how this is supposed to make me feel but it makes me feel like this. And I feel the onset of 17 and diets and cupcakes and running around in fields with friends and spending money on things that make me happy as a GIRL with an eye for pretty or quirky or so-uncool-it’s-cool.

And I’m thinking about all the ways I can play the piano and I don’t want to be rich, and I don’t want to be famous but I want to spend days with friends driving around green countryside with picnic baskets and running into the sea and doing things I’m afraid of and finding a boy and getting excited everytime he texts me.

I want to pine for my friends and the for the pining to end and I want to eat lettuce all summer long and go to the gym and make friends who like to sing spontaneously and make videos of themselves being ridiculous because let’s be honest, nothing else matters.

Turn to the Music:
THE FEAR by Lily Allen

7 thoughts on “May 12th 2008

  1. The most important thing in life is doing all those things that make you happy and having loads of fun. The stuff that makes you collapse at the end, thinking “What a ride!” 🙂 Your writing always made me smile.

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